


Yesterday and a Long Time Ago

by brokenmemento



Series: The High School Chronicles [1]
Category: Teenage Bounty Hunters (TV)
Genre: F/F, Falling In Love, Feelings, Post Season 1, Repressed Emotions, figuring out life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26307562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenmemento/pseuds/brokenmemento
Summary: Sterling realizes after a heartbreaking chain of events the importance of the things in her life and just maybe where she’s gone a little bit wrong before.Post season 1.
Relationships: April Stevens/Sterling Wesley
Series: The High School Chronicles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915879
Comments: 18
Kudos: 268





	Yesterday and a Long Time Ago

**Author's Note:**

> Played around with the characterization here. Hopefully I was able to get close. 
> 
> Anyway, these two are OTP. The fact they went from enemies to a romantic dynamic is something I was never expecting and I’m HERE for it.

She thinks a lot about fifth grade after the lock-in. After the kidnapping. Sort of during the existential crisis she has after finding out her whole entire life has been a lie. 

But even though absolutely nothing is the same, she really started the detonation of her old life by connecting the metaphorical wires. Because she let go of Luke. Because she made a choice to kiss April after very vividly imagining the girl in another way inside of her mind. 

And even though that’s blown up too, it’s the one thing she can’t get used to it being in rubble. 

It’s taken three weeks to tell herself that her relationship with Blair will always be thicker than blood. That Blair is her person and that just doesn’t come to an end because it’s pretty much indestructible. 

April though? Sterling can’t keep her out of her dreams or her waking thoughts or really anything in between. She tries to distract herself from it, repeats Psalm 34:18: _The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit._

But no amount of prayer can seem to calm the dull ache in her heart. The past throbs with every beat of it. Of what she unknowingly gave up one sun shining day on a playground. Of how she broke someone’s else’s heart into, like hers sort of feels now. All Sterling can think about is spending every single day making it up to the sparkling blue eyes and one of the fiercest souls she’s ever met in life. 

Now, waiting seems like something she can absolutely do if it means feeling the weightless happiness floating around inside of herself. If she can just touch April again, something as innocuous as holding her hand like she had wanted to do weeks ago. 

Sterling Wesley will wait however long it takes because the end result means getting to be with the one person who confounds her body and mind more than any other human that she’s ever encountered. Maybe, just maybe, she dreams of a day where laying beside April might be achievable again. 

There’s so much to muck through, so much rubble and ash to sweep up and clear out. Rebuilding those fleeting moments of what she’s grasped with the other girl are worth working toward. 

It’s why even though they haven’t spoken in weeks, avoided each other in the halls like all the plagues that the Lord set upon Egypt, that even though He is greatest and there is no one like Him, she texts her anyway. Because April has somehow become close to the best too.

_I’ll wait for you—for as long as it takes._

Sterling hopes He understands. It is with the utmost regard she holds Him still, yet she hopes that He understands exactly what April means inside of her chest. Even if she can’t quite make heads nor tails of it yet. 

It stays on read for weeks. She holds her phone close by for days. She’s not sure when she eventually gives up and stops waiting for a reply. 

——————/—————

It comes from nowhere. They’re laying in bed when it happens.

She’d stopped crying about it weeks ago, only let herself wallow in it here and there when she was having a particularly hard day and decided to feel sorry for herself. But it’s not like she could ask Blair for help on how to mend a broken relationship that never really got started even though it was wanted so badly. 

It felt wrong to bring it up when her sister (cousin?) had spent so much time inside of her own grief over a lost love. Instead, they’ve taken to holding each other in complete silence instead of talking. 

It’s shocking to think they can both find the restraint to shut up long enough to let each other conform to the pain. And while there are probably a thousand other things Sterling could find to hang herself up on, the one that got away keeps replaying like a broken record on repeat. 

“Do you think that mom will come turn us over like they do people in hospital beds who can’t move because they’re incapacitated?” Blair tosses a Cheeto at the ceiling. Her other hand holds Sterling’s, their fingers entwined. 

“Don’t even joke about that. You know how I feel about long term care and quality of life,” Sterling frowns. 

“Our entire lives just got smashed to shit. I’d like to know that bed sores aren’t going to be an additional concern as well,” the brunette gesticulates with her free hand. 

Sterling can only sigh. “We’re like an Edgar Allan Poe story or something right now. I can only take so much melancholia before my insides explode.”

“Ooh, melancholia, huh?” Blair flips over on her stomach and stares down at Sterling, puppy dog eyes and pouting lips adding to her already knitted brows. “You’re gay for five seconds and already quoting the _Ammonite_ trailer. You useless lesbian.”

A feral sound growl erupts into the room as Sterling rolls and smashes her face into a pillow. Her words are stifled by the downy feathers and case as she grumbles her words. Blair fights to flip her, which Sterling resists until she can’t any longer. 

“Come on, Sterling,” she pleads. 

“Ugh! Can’t I just want to take my lady and walk on a beach then afterward, have her go down on me in a quaint cottage by the water?” All of it rushes out like a wave and Sterling winces at what she’s admitted. 

“As if you’re Kate Winslet in this scenario,” Blair shakes her head in disagreement. “Moreover, I wasn’t aware you still had a lady.”

“Slip of the tongue,” Sterling covers her face with both hands. She moves them aside so only her mouth pokes out. “And maybe I’m having a hard time letting go.”

“So a genuinely nice guy worships the ground that you walk on, in a Christ-like capacity, yet you get over him in mere days. Meanwhile, your once best friend becomes our sworn enemy for six years and after one magical, Sleeping Gaydy kiss, you’re pining over her like she’s the love of your life?” Blair looks exasperated. “I’m trying hard to be supportive, but I’m experiencing a great sense of confounding emotions.”

“Oh, you mean like you were hooking up with Jennings and wouldn’t even look at Miles but in the next second, he’s taken your V-card and you’re magically in love,” Sterling shoots back. 

“Ouch, too soon,” Blair grabs at her chest. “But, yeah, whatever. Maybe I deserved that.”

A few minutes pass. Quiet settles. What Sterling has said does not within herself though. “No, you didn’t.”

Blair turns her brown eyes toward Sterling and they share a look. Not the zeroing in, twin vision. Which was maybe never really a real thing in the first place. But still, one that they hold. The buzzing of Sterling’s phone jolts them from it though. 

Blair frowns. “Everyone you know and love is here. You don’t have any friends again yet.” She says it with no malice and Sterling doesn’t take it as such. “Who would be texting?”

Grumbling, Sterling raises up and swipes it off the top of her bedside table. Her throat goes dry when she reads the screen. Staggering to a sitting position, Sterling tries to calm her breathing but it’s coming out too ragged and she feels like she might hyperventilate. Just as she’s on the verge of a full on panic attack, Blair waves a hand in front of her face. 

“Is this a paper sack situation or are you going to get it together and be okay?” 

Sterling nods and steadies her breath a little before turning on her best smile. She holds her phone to her chest and waves it off. “Right, sure. Hey, uh, brb. All that liquid went straight through me!”

She barrels off the bed and beelines it for the bathroom door. It rattles as she closes it a little too roughly, it’s hinges protesting a bit.

Sliding down the door, she holds her phone out again and lets the words burn into her retinas: _meet me at our spot on the weekend._

It’s Wednesday. Church night. (April has stopped going since the incident) 72 hours to suffer before she can see her again. Before they can finally be in the same room and hopefully not have tears in their eyes when they look at one another. Hopefully, it won’t be that raw.

Sterling looks up from the phone and hugs it back to her chest. She stares out across the bathroom. Part of her feels like she should have been truthful with Blair about the text. 

She isn’t ready to share this potentiality of April with her yet though. 

——————/—————

It’s the longest three days of her life, but she makes it. Her itchy fingers curb any and all ideas of flooding April’s number with everything she wants to say, everything she’s been holding in since the lock in. 

Instead, she resists it though. Only answers _ok_ when the lone text comes in stating what time. The sheer willpower it takes to do only that is astounding. 

So of course, she shows up early. Has already been there half an hour and standing behind a couple of kids on the Dance Dance Revolution machine with a quarter resting on the game to hold her a spot. They bail after a couple of songs and she pockets the coin and slides her game card to maybe work out some jitters before April shows up. 

It’s probably by no small luck that she ups the footpad to standard mode and choses Think Ya Better D by sAmi and begins the steps. Somehow, she manages to lose herself in the glowing arrows filtering upward on the screen, so much so that she doesn’t notice when April approaches. 

When the song ends, Sterling works to catch her breath a bit before she chooses the next song. When she turns with her hands on her hips, April is standing and looking up at her on the dance pad, an unreadable expression on her face. 

Words fail her because April looks simply freaking beautiful, even in her basic blue button up shirt and her hair pulled back into a ponytail again. _Just like the last time._

Only, well...not. Sterling doesn’t think they’ll be making out in the middle of laser tag this time. Not since April more than likely knows Sterling hauled her dad in to get Bowser’s bounty. The thought makes her fidget. 

“I should punch you off of there,” is the first thing April says and yeah, Sterling figures she deserves that. It’s only fair, considering. 

“Well, maybe I want to punch you down there,” Sterling frowns and thinks of the night of the lock-in. Of how incredibly full her heart had felt only to arrive and have been cast aside so the girl could flirt with her ex—someone she had absolutely zero interest in. 

“Which one of us is going to start swinging then because you’re about to run out of time to choose your song,” April points matter of factly.

Sterling spins and punches a button, mindless of which selection she’s made. “Just forget it. This was a bad idea anyway.” She waves April off. 

Just as she’s about to start pressing the arrowed steps, the game stalls out and announces another player. Sterling turns to see April stepping up to the platform and touching the red bar behind them. 

“I thought you said you’d never,” Sterling says in disbelief. 

“Yes, well, apparently there are a lot of things I’m contemplating lately that I never would have previously,” April snips back quickly.

“You probably need to play either on light or beginner mode,” Sterling offers, pressing the arrows to get her on the right setting. 

“Whatever,” April mumbles and then looks around the room, still cognizant of every eye upon her. Were there to be any. But no one is watching and Sterling watches April’s shoulders relax by a degree. 

When the song starts, the arrows filter up the screen. Sterling has no idea what to say since this isn’t really her meeting. She commandeered their last talk and pushed so hard, she scared April away. Now, it’s another blow she can’t possibly take so she decides to wait the other girl out.

The song ends and they still haven’t spoken a word of why they’re both standing in the Fun Zone again but nothing at all like the last time. 

“I made it all of three weeks of focusing on my family and then couldn’t muster an ounce more inside my body if I tried.” April turns then, her face pensive. “Because all I kept thinking about was you.”

If it’s possible for a heart to stutter inside of a chest, Sterling’s does. She tries to school the emotions on her face and reaches to pick the next song, tries for a nonchalant shrug. Like every single waking moment and many other ones haven’t been filled with the girl beside her. 

“What’s to think about? You said you weren’t ready, I pushed too hard like I always do, and you decided we shouldn’t be together.” Even saying the words aches to the core. Sterling hits the step pad with a little extra force. 

April’s mouth hangs agape, like she’s trying really hard to figure out where to go from that statement, how to build off of it. But there will be no double or triple word scores here because she’s missing the letters to form words. 

Which is okay. Sterling gets it. 

“I sent you that text because the last thing I said to you was ‘maybe’ and that wasn’t what I felt at all. If I can be sweethearts with Luke forever, then I guess I can stuff all of these feelings down and away until you’re ready to face the world.” Sterling misses a step because she stops mid song. April keeps them afloat with the simplistic steps on her screen even though Sterling knows she has moves. 

“And I don’t know how it feels to be hiding my sexuality for a really long time because these feelings are still pretty new, but I do know how it feels to be outed on someone else’s terms and it sucks really bad,” she admits. 

April’s brows knit together and she looks stricken. Sterling can see her face change from the side, the weight of what’s been said morphing even her profile. It never ceases to amaze Sterling how much more April is capable of feeling when, for years, she thought she was just a shell of a person. 

“When are we ever going to get to the point where we can stop apologizing to each other for something or another?” April whispers. 

“I don’t know,” Sterling responds honestly, shakes her head. “Indeed, there is not a righteous man on earth who continually does good and who never sins.”

“You’re quoting scripture to justify why the two of us can be lovers?” April asks. 

Sterling swallows hard on her choice of diction, rights herself from the mental stumble over it, and sighs. “The Bible says some things about two of the same type of people being together, but it says even more about love and I can’t imagine a world or a life where we can be faulted for who lives inside our hearts.”

Now it’s April’s turn to stumble a bit. The song ends and the game comes to a close. Their rounds are up as the three songs end. 

Sterling watches April’s hand tighten on the red bar as she turns to face her. She’s looking at her feet and looking incredibly small and all Sterling wants to do is hook a finger under her chin, look into her seafoam eyes, and kiss her lips once again. 

“Love, huh,” she nods and purses her lips. “I don’t suppose that was a Freudian slip?”

“No,” Sterling admits quietly. “I don’t know the ins and outs of it quite yet, but I also know it doesn’t feel like anything I’ve experienced before. It’s stronger and more defined and feels so much better than anything else in the world. And while that might not be love, it sure feels like it to me.”

April looks up at this and her face is anguished. Sterling hates that it’s the haunting expression that she’s pretty much had every time she’s seen her for the last month. 

“You’ve been in some part of my brain constantly for the last six years. I don’t know what to do with it anymore.” April looks down again and Sterling’s heart breaks into even more pieces. 

There’s too much heavy so she tries to diffuse some of the strangling tension. She scans her card again, does the same on April’s side, and the start screen pops. 

“For once in my life, I don’t know what that means,” Sterling says despondently. 

“I still stand by my words that I told you the last time I was here. I don’t think God is going to smite me or anything for who I’m attracted to,” April repeats, stops. Shrugs. “Or who I love.” They share a heated look then. “But the world will, you know it as well as I do. It’s hateful and cruel and for every fraction of good we build with it, the world will try to do nothing but tear it down. 

“That’s what living here does, Sterling. That’s the way we have grown up. Where things like ‘dyke’ and ‘fag’ are as easily rolled off the tongue as ‘Trump’ and ‘conservatism.’ Where people fly confederate flags and call for the glory of an antiquated way of looking at the world. How are you and I supposed to fit into that vision?”

A tear tracks down her cheek. April cannot help it. She reaches out to wipe it away. The steps fly by and they miss them all. _Oh no! Better luck next time!_ the game taunts. 

“If it helps to know, Atlanta is considered the LGBTQ capital of the south and in 2010, was voted the ‘gayest city in America.’ Even Realtor.com ranked Atlanta second as best places to live for LGBTQ residents,” Sterling tries again. “Maybe we’re just young and don’t see it all. Maybe after we graduate, we can find our people and leave all this mess behind where we are afraid.”

“You’re not afraid,” April counters. “You’re the brave one.”

Sterling grabs her hand. “I’m afraid for how I make you feel, not to be us. I don’t ever want to push you or make you feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to pressure you to do something you can’t. And if you want to stay in the closet a little longer…” April’s face changes. “...or a lot longer! That’s okay with me too. I just know I’ll wait for you is all I’m saying. I’ll wait for you like I didn’t six years ago because I’m finding out you’re incredibly worth it.”

Then April is kissing her, in front of God and everyone else that really aren’t around either but could be. Underneath the flashing lights of the game machine and amongst the noise of the arcade, she’s able to feel April’s lips again after a month long drought. 

“Please, just...give me time, Sterl. I promise I can make it worth it,” April asks against Sterling’s lips, her fingers tightly gripping hers in her hand. 

“I told you I would,” Sterling murmurs. 

“Okay then?”

“Okay then.” 

Something settles and they back away. April smiles that incandescent one she’s capable of that lights her entire face. While they’ve not gotten past the things that have happened between them, maybe they’ve come to a healthier place to deal with them. 

There’s likely to be some more trials and tribulations, but the shakey colt legs of hope are infinitely better than nothing at all. 

Sterling watches as April slides her game card, returns to her perch beside her after she randomly picks a song. It starts out slow, speeds up as the melody progresses. 

Before she knows it, April has wrapped a hand around her hip and is holding on to her as they press the arrows on the game pad and laugh as they flail and work to not disconnect. To no one's shock, it causes them miss too many steps and the game ends again. 

“So much for never,” April laughs and shrugs, her arm still wrapped around Sterling’s frame. 

Sterling lunges then, taking April against her flush and full. She feels the returning press of things she’s felt before, things she would like to learn even more. She kisses the girl hungrily, as if she will never be full up and satisfied. 

But eventually, they must part for lungfuls of air and they ease away from one another with ragged pants between them. Sterling holds April’s cheeks, presses their foreheads together.

“Yeah,” she smiles. 

Her heart feels like it has returned. 

**Author's Note:**

> There’s probably a part two coming to this someday soon but it will be NSFW....if that’s something that people are interested in reading.


End file.
